Driven by the goal of improving my public speaking and negotiating skills, I recently dove into three books: How to Win Friends and Influence People, Quiet and Talk Like Ted. While written for slightly different purposes, these texts had a few, core overlapping ideas I found instructive.

Impressions matter

Body language, charisma, and confidence all influence the impressions we impart on other people. And, while it may be unfair at times, first impressions and people’s perceptions of us can greatly affect our future success. Positive and charismatic leaders, aka “extroverts”, who can lead discussions, make presentations, and engage dynamically in conversations, appear more intelligent and more authoritative. This gives them more power and increases the likelihood they will be taken seriously and that their suggestions will be put into action.

In Quiet, Susan Cain writes, “We perceive talkers as smarter than quiet types. We also see talkers as leaders. The more a person talks, the more other group members direct their attention to him, which means that he becomes increasingly powerful as a meeting goes on. It also helps to speak fast; we rate quick talkers as more capable and appealing than slow talkers.”

What is particularly important here, is that the enthusiastic leader lifts the moods of others through his/her positivity. Positive emotions are contagious and help rally support. As Carmine Gallo says in Talk Like Ted, “Charismatic leadership is linked to organizational success because charismatic leaders enable their followers to experience positive emotions.”

Interestingly, in many cases, it doesn’t matter if these leaders are right. They are the people who are remembered and whose instructions are followed when the meeting is adjourned. This means that if you want your ideas to be taken seriously, you have to deliver them convincingly, with confidence and positivity. (But of course it also helps to be right.)

But what if confidence and charisma do not come naturally to you? That brings us to the next core idea.

Use physical behavior to guide your emotions and build up confidence and charisma

In Talk like Ted, Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist at HBS, says, “Our bodies change our minds, and our minds can change our behavior, and our behavior can change our outcomes.”

Perhaps the most important behavior touted in both How to Win Friends and Influence People and Quiet is smiling. In fact, in How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie lists the simple smile as the second principle in his six ways to make people like you. Smiling (our body) helps create a positive internal attitude (our mind) that is reflected in our actions (our behavior). And in Quiet, Susan Cain connects those behaviors to Cuddy’s outcomes. She writes, “We must smile so that our interlocutors will smile upon us. Taking these steps will make us feel good – and the better we feel, the better we can sell ourselves.”

Carmine Gallo would add that having “command presence” – the look of authority – could also instill confidence in ourselves and attract followers. He writes in Talk like Ted, “How we use our bodies – our nonverbal cues – can change people’s perceptions of us. Simply changing your body position affects how you feel about yourself and, by default, how others see you. Even if you don’t feel confident, act like it and your chances of success greatly improve.”

So, as the saying goes, “fake it until you make it.” Smile and take on strong body language to trick yourself into being more confident and charismatic. This will at least get you part of the way there … Like any other skill you’re looking to acquire, true mastery will only come with practice, which is the next main idea.

Public speaking takes practice

Even if you feel like you are not a natural extrovert or public speaker, there is still hope. In Quiet, Susan Cain says that according to Free Trait Theory, we may be born and culturally endowed with certain personality traits, but we can act out of character. An introvert can still rise up to be an inspiring public speaker. It just takes practice.

Deliberate practice strengthens the “muscles” associated with any skill, and, with public speaking in particular, it seems that practice can bring about actual structural brain changes that makes it easier over time.

As Gallo writes in Talk like Ted, “The brain areas involved in language – the areas that help you talk and explain ideas more clearly – these brain areas become more activated and more efficient the more they are used. The more you speak in public, the more the actual structure of the brain changes. If you speak a lot in public, language areas of the brain become more developed.”

Having more opportunities to practice public speaking also increases exposure to any potential fears. Over time, that fear will become desensitized, making future public speaking occasions easier to handle. In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie also highlighted that “learning is an active process,” and that “we learn by doing.” As he writes, “You are attempting a new way of life. That will require time and persistence and daily application.”

Practice is hard. Being patient to persist over time is also hard, especially if it involves overcoming your fears. You need passion to help you see it through. That is the last idea.

Being a convincing and inspirational public speaker requires passion

As mentioned before, with Free Trait Theory, even introverts can take on the characteristics of extroverts and become inspiring public speakers. However, acting out of character in such a way, as Cain says, is usually in the service of a “core personal projects.” In other words, you have to be passionate about what you’re speaking about. By pursuing the activity for its own sake, and not for the rewards it may bring, you can reach a “flow” state that will make the effort of practicing and persisting easier to bear.

Passion will also make you more convincing. As Carmine Gallo writes in Talk like Ted, “Science shows that passion is contagious. You cannot inspire others unless you are inspired yourself. You stand a greater chance of persuading and inspiring your listeners if you express an enthusiastic, passionate, and meaningful connection to your topic.” I guess this should not be too surprising – that at the bottom of it all passion is the driving force that can help make any person a better public speaker. After all, passion is an essential underlying motivating factor.

In the end, I did find these three texts fairly helpful. As someone who is more introverted, or feels very self-conscious of how I will be judged for what I say, I now acknowledge that I have to take extra time to practice public speaking, voicing my thoughts, and hearing the sound of my own voice. I will try to adopt the technique of forcing a smile and embodying a commanding presence to instill a more positive, confident attitude. The greatest comfort reading these books gave me is confirmation that I can get better at this skill, and, that over time, it will become less scary. I do have the passion to take on this challenge.